Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
