i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
