So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
