chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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