Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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