When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
