Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Randomize
