thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It's official drugs can't kill me
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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