Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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