Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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