For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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