Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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