I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize