I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
that's an acceptable place to lick
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
