It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
