Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
