my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
