I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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