Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
