Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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