So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
