He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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