Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He shit in the fireplace
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
