I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
