I want to stick my p in your. b.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
