my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
