shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I think i got beer on your cat.
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