It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
