I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
