so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
