I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
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i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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