Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
