is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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