Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
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And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
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So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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