his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
should my penis look like a turkey
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
