In the future we'll all be gay
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
