I just made out with a guy for $7.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
