If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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