hell yes lets make some ravioli
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Randomize
