i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
