He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
