I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
