His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
