would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
