Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize