We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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