Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Randomize
