Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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