How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
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He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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