very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
