well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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