Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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