My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
