she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
