Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
