She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Oh god it's open bar.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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