Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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