I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
