so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
