I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I need a beard to bite.
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