Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
