YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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