i jhust puked up my retainher.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
