We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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