i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
My ATM looks so different sober.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
