I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
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She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
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But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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