dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
