I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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