let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
