Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
