Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
