that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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